😂 Guru Mata Chronicles: A Tale of Two Headaches

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Everyone has best friends who bring peace.

I have two — who’ve turned my mental peace into monthly installments and then literally forced me to write this blog.


> “Write about us!” they said.

“Make us famous!” they said.

And here I am, giving emotional labor and free publicity — all while plotting revenge through this post 😤✍️



They call me “Guru Mata” — because apparently, I have solutions to all their problems.

Honestly, I feel like the CEO of “Unpaid Emotional Support Services Ltd.”


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🧍‍♂️ 1. The Guest House Guy – Booked, Busy & A Walking Copy-Paste


So this one runs a guest house. Sounds like a professional, right?


Wrong.


Because his real profession?

Copying everything I do.


📲 I post a reel — next day, he uploads the same vibe.

🖊️ I write a deep caption — suddenly, “he also felt the same.”

😂 I change my emoji aesthetic — and boom, his DP catches up.


> Bro, are you my friend or my delayed doppelgänger?


And you’d think maybe he’d give credit?

Of course not.

This is not a guest house.

This is “Copy-Paste Inn: Stay Original, Act Duplicate.”


Even when he’s busy with guests, he’s not too busy to steal my creativity.

I feel like I should start watermarking my ideas before he trademark registers them.



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🧍‍♂️ 2. The Businessman – Calm Outside, Constant Bhang Inside


Now this one’s a little different.

He’s got a calm face, a business, and a heart full of confusion.

Also, a go-to line that’s basically his lifestyle now:


> “I am busy  : grinding bhang.” 



Every single time.

Ask him if he’s free, bored, breathing, or just alive — answer?

“Bhang pees raha hoon.”


At this point, I’m convinced he’s either actually grinding bhang

or just avoiding reality with herbal excuses.


And the drama?

Oh god, the love drama.


> “She replied with ‘hmm’. Does that mean she likes me?”

“I watched her story 3 times, should I message?”

“I said hey, she said hi. Am I being friendzoned or is this a slow burn?”



Are you flirting or conducting a social experiment? 🕵️‍♂️


And of course, who does he ask?

Guru Mata.

Because apparently, along with solving friendship fights,

I also specialize in decoding female psychology and bhang-powered confusion.


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🤹‍♀️ Me? Their Forced Therapist, Freelance Guru & Roast Blogger


I didn’t sign up for this.

I was chilling in peace — when these two appeared like unwanted popup ads in my brain.


They bring the content.

They bring the drama.

And then they sit back while I:


Plan their love lives


Create their captions


Solve their dilemmas


And now… write blogs about them.



Also — they never let me pay for anything.

Sweet, right?

Until you realize I’m still paying… in brain cells.


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💖 But Why Do I Still Keep Them Around?


Because even with all the chaos and copying and bhang excuses —

they’re the first ones to show up when I need someone.


Sometimes with a “You okay?”

Sometimes just being quiet and present.


They’re not perfect —

But they’re real.

And very, very mine.


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🎯 Final verdict:


One’s always booked.

One’s always bhang peesne wala addictor 

And me?


I’m stuck in the middle like a confused therapist with a keyboard and sarcasm.

They made me write this.

So if you’re reading it, just know —


> This isn’t a blog.

This is my revenge.



“Now that I’ve exposed both of them, I deserve emotional compensation.


💬 Tell me in the comments —

Do you also have friends who treat you like their personal life coach?

Or am I the only one running this free therapy centre?”*

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